Jon Dawson: Chris Humphrey backs self-checkout law

Until recently I thought a lobbyist was someone who traveled from town to town hanging out in lobbies.

Jon Dawson: New grocery store to feature self-service pharmacy

Free balloons and Ritalin for the kids.

When told the news, Stephen A. Smith reportedly swallowed his own face during a taping of his Loudest Jackass podcast.

“Although I detest hooliganism, I admired her gusto.”

“I didn’t have all day, so as soon as I had a clear shot I took him down.”

“You mean the warm kind?”

“Every time I see a beautiful sunset or a demolition derby, I’m reminded of them.”

“I haven’t watched an NFL game since Tom Landry wore a Kangol.”

“At some point, I figured people would wake up and stop buying my terrible, terrible music, and I was just preparing for that day.”

If my pending patent for no-stick lip balm comes through, I may have enough dough to spring for a few pizzas.