Jon Dawson – Colonoscopy II: Electric Boogaloo
“We were bobbing, weaving, and at one point shoulder-rolling through a maze of medical staff who had obviously exceeded their free-sample allotment from the drug rep’s goody bags.”
Jon Dawson: Chris Humphrey backs self-checkout law
Until recently I thought a lobbyist was someone who traveled from town to town hanging out in lobbies.
Jon Dawson: New grocery store to feature self-service pharmacy
Free balloons and Ritalin for the kids.
Jon Dawson: Belichick to replace Davis as UNC basketball coach
When told the news, Stephen A. Smith reportedly swallowed his own face during a taping of his Loudest Jackass podcast.
Jon Dawson: La Grange lottery customer goes on crime spree
“Although I detest hooliganism, I admired her gusto.”
Jon Dawson: Missing Kinston man found at Neuseway Nature Center
“I didn’t have all day, so as soon as I had a clear shot I took him down.”
Jon Dawson: Carbonated cats at Christmas
“You mean the warm kind?”
Jon Dawson: Discovery of faked childhood Disney vacation disrupts Thankgiving
“Every time I see a beautiful sunset or a demolition derby, I’m reminded of them.”
Jon Dawson: When adults pretend to play football
“I haven’t watched an NFL game since Tom Landry wore a Kangol.”
Jon Dawson: Diddy recording holiday album in jail
“At some point, I figured people would wake up and stop buying my terrible, terrible music, and I was just preparing for that day.”
The Bucklesberry Gazette 