Jon Dawson: Top employee promoted to meaningless position
“The man was lured out of the bathroom with a Dorito-flavored vape.”
Tag: column
Jon Dawson: Kinston man to make WWE debut in November
“They continued selling livestock during the wrestling match.”
Jon Dawson: Wifi equipped guns blamed for dove extinction
“The tomato resembled Luke Bryan.”
Jon Dawson: Lost Jimi Hendrix bluegrass album to be released
“He was unable to kiss the sky, although he did get a hug from Jimmy Martin.”
Jon Dawson – Colonoscopy II: Electric Boogaloo
“We were bobbing, weaving, and at one point shoulder-rolling through a maze of medical staff who had obviously exceeded their free-sample allotment from the drug rep’s goody bags.”
Jon Dawson: Chris Humphrey backs self-checkout law
Until recently I thought a lobbyist was someone who traveled from town to town hanging out in lobbies.
Jon Dawson: New grocery store to feature self-service pharmacy
Free balloons and Ritalin for the kids.
Jon Dawson: Belichick to replace Davis as UNC basketball coach
When told the news, Stephen A. Smith reportedly swallowed his own face during a taping of his Loudest Jackass podcast.
Jon Dawson: La Grange lottery customer goes on crime spree
“Although I detest hooliganism, I admired her gusto.”
Jon Dawson: Missing Kinston man found at Neuseway Nature Center
“I didn’t have all day, so as soon as I had a clear shot I took him down.”
The Bucklesberry Gazette 