Jon Dawson: Lost Jimi Hendrix bluegrass album to be released

“He was unable to kiss the sky, although he did get a hug from Jimmy Martin.”

Jon Dawson: Belichick to replace Davis as UNC basketball coach

When told the news, Stephen A. Smith reportedly swallowed his own face during a taping of his Loudest Jackass podcast.

“You mean the warm kind?”

“Every time I see a beautiful sunset or a demolition derby, I’m reminded of them.”

If my pending patent for no-stick lip balm comes through, I may have enough dough to spring for a few pizzas.

Every 30 seconds some cement-headed waste of space yelled out as if they were playing bingo at a Metallica concert.

The humidity was so high I saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog.

“All of a sudden I noticed that the yips and barks had grown disturbingly faint.”

It’s been said that tragedy brings out the best in people, but not necessarily the best people.

Burroughs’ background as a gangster’s moll taught her to always be on the lookout for crimes of opportunity.