Jon Dawson: Top employee promoted to meaningless position

“The man was lured out of the bathroom with a Dorito-flavored vape.”

Jon Dawson: Strait releases song about Kinston potholes

One second everybody in the band was asleep in their bunks, the next they were shoulder-rolling down Vernon Avenue.

“That’s something I can’t talk about,” he said, a phrase that unsurprisingly would come up many times during our conversation.

“We’re not going to have any Lot Lizards roaming around out here.”

“I couldn’t figure out why two people who don’t work at night needed so many blackout curtains.”

A new Dollar General is rumored to be moving into the Jenny Lind Store building in Bucklesberry.

“Wouldn’t those be some pretty puppies?”

Hanks is scheduled to join Sarah Palin as a celebrity judge.

Inmates, gamblers and check kiters have united to support Hanks.

Paramedics made their way to the parent behind me who yelled himself into a coma.