Jon Dawson: Man loses wedding ring in duck attack

“I tried to feed one of them, but it apparently mistook my arm for an after-dinner mint and went to town.”

King’s barbecue-flavored chewing gum coming in March

The U.S. Military plans on dropping thousands of packs of Barbechew over the Middle East in an effort to quell unrest.

“Paulette has cool stories about beating up Clint Eastwood and working as Kanye’s crayon sorter”.

Whenever a hen would stop producing eggs, he’d leave an old golf ball in its nest.

“Oh dear God.” – Jennifer Shrader/Elevator World Magazine

She’ll be finishing her four-year degree at E.C.U., majoring in bagpiping

Even though TD#2 tried to split the pavement a few times she never so much as whimpered.

“I need a new ice cream scoop,” she said with a straight face.

“I didn’t set out to find myself, I just kept forgetting where I lived.”

“I haven’t been so mad since NBC canceled the Mandrell sisters back in ’82.”