Photo by Jon Dawson

With another year nearly in the books, I thought I’d share this year’s Dawson family letter. Here’s this year’s edition as written to my Aunt Olivia.

Dear Aunt Olivia,

I hope this letter finds you well. Word around the campfire is that you’ve taken up with a Zumba instructor you met at the community center. I’m not sure how Zumba mixes with your bursitis, phlebitis, bronchitis, dermatitis, and Arthur Itis, but the picture of you two on the cover of DentuGrip Monthly was just precious.

Tax Deduction #1 is babysitting two children every day after school. She’s in the early college program and will have her associate’s degree when she graduates high school in a few months. She’ll be finishing her four-year degree at E.C.U., majoring in bagpiping with a minor in bicycle design. 

Bannister’s Fine Gifts is having a massive 75% off sale. Visit them at 106 West Railroad Street in La Grange.

Tax Deduction #2 has become quite the little artist. Having mastered painting and origami, she’s now flung herself into the world of pottery. Her creations with polymer clay are incredibly lifelike, so much so that her bust of me placed in our living room window has kept all trick-or-treaters, solicitors, and delivery men off of our porch since October. 

The Wife is as pretty as ever. Many times while out in public, she’s been mistaken for one of our daughters, while I’m usually mistaken for her father or in one ego-annihilating instance, her grandfather. When we visit relatives in nursing homes, the staff usually accuses her of trying to sneak me out when we try to leave. It does complicate matters when the orderly continually succeeds at coaxing me back into the building with the promise of Jell-O.

Blizzard Building Supply in Kinston has you covered with free delivery.

These past few years have been trying to say the least. Between viruses, war, economic peril, and Kanye West’s failed chain of kishka-themed restaurants, one wonders if the human race has any chance of redemption. If not, everyone will be able to watch the last circle around the drain on a high-definition television the size of a barn door. 

Be careful in Zumba class. If you injure yourself and end up in a home, they probably won’t let me leave if I visit.

Your favorite nephew,

Jon

Jon Dawson’s books are available at www.JonDawson.com.

The entire archive of shows can be found at www.BryanHanks.com.

The Bryan Hanks Show airs on 960-AM in Kinston and 960TheBull.com daily at 7 a.m. & 3 p.m. It also airs on the suite of 252ESPN.com stations in New Bern and Greenville (107.5-FM) at 6 p.m.