Jon Dawson: Anti-outburst vaccine approved for graduation ceremonies

“It’s morally wrong to force me to take a drug that forces me to act like I have some sense,” Danvers said.

Jon Dawson: Mislabled collard seeds lead to spike in marijuana crop

“I tried to tell grandma collard plants shouldn’t be 12ft tall.”

“I tried to feed one of them, but it apparently mistook my arm for an after-dinner mint and went to town.”

The U.S. Military plans on dropping thousands of packs of Barbechew over the Middle East in an effort to quell unrest.

“Paulette has cool stories about beating up Clint Eastwood and working as Kanye’s crayon sorter”.

Whenever a hen would stop producing eggs, he’d leave an old golf ball in its nest.

“Oh dear God.” – Jennifer Shrader/Elevator World Magazine

She’ll be finishing her four-year degree at E.C.U., majoring in bagpiping

“I didn’t set out to find myself, I just kept forgetting where I lived.”

“I haven’t been so mad since NBC canceled the Mandrell sisters back in ’82.”