By Jon Dawson
A double-burglary took an unusual turn last week when a father and his estranged son reunited for the first time in 13 years.
“A residence on Idlewild Road, Kinston, was burglarized twice on the evening of May 13,” said Lenoir County Police Department spokesman Warren Haynes. “One suspect came in through a window at approximately 3:48 p.m., while the second suspect kicked in a door at approximately 3:55 p.m.”
Officials with the LCPD do not believe the double-burglary was premeditated.
“I’ve had my eye on that house for a few weeks,” said Luther Mahoney, 58, of Little Baltimore. “The garage was empty and the grass looked like it hadn’t been cut in a while, so it seemed like easy pickings. I was busy putting some jewelry in my bag when all of a sudden I heard a loud noise coming from front of the house.”
The crash Mahoney heard was the sound of Junior Mahoney, 28, of Goldsboro, kicking in the front door of the residence.
“I busted in through the front door and saw a wrinkled up, crusty, Jabba The Hutt version of me standing in the living room,” the younger Mahoney said. “My mom told me my father died in a crochet accident; I couldn’t believe he was alive!”
According to both suspects, they hugged for several minutes before sitting down on the living room couch to catch up on old times.
“We turned on the Wii and played video games just like we used to when I was a kid,” Junior Mahoney said. “Dad even took the stuff he’d just stole out of his bag and gave it to me to make up for all the birthdays he missed.”
The first responders to the scene could not believe what they were seeing.
“They were sitting on the couch watching reruns of ‘The Andy Griffith Show’,” said Det. Clark Johnson. “They were watching the episode where Opie kills the bird and then feels guilty about leaving the baby birds without a mama. Mahoney Sr. and Jr. were already crying, which in turn caused my men and I to start crying as well. After securing a box of Kleenex Splash ’N Go Moist Wipes from the bathroom of the crime scene, we composed ourselves and made the arrests.”
Before the two Mahoneys could be processed, a representative of NBC arrived in Kinston to post their bail.
“This is the type of feel-good story the boys in Burbank are looking for,” said Frank Pembleton of NBC Prime Time Programming and Animal Husbandry. “Our new reality shows ‘Dancing With the Felons’, ‘Varicose Veins of the Rich & Famous’, and ‘The Real Barflies of Cumberland County’ have been underperforming in our key demographic groups – minimum security prisons, Wal-Mart display TVs, and gas pump video screens. We believe a show about a father and son reuniting in a prison setting is the type of positive programming people are clamoring for. We’re going to call the show ‘Breaking Into My Heart.”
With NBC’s ‘Saturday Night Live’ currently churning out fewer laughs than a root canal administered during a showing of Sophie’s Choice, Pembleton says his network is ready to try anything.
“If ‘Breaking Into My Heart’ isn’t a hit, we’re prepared to try something drastic,” Pembleton said. “We’re in such dire straits, we may be forced to hire talented people to write scripts. It seems like a radical idea, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Jon Dawson’s books available at www.JonDawson.com.