By Jon Dawson
The couple appearing to hoard gasoline in a widely circulated image is speaking out.
Tom and Mary Bradford of Bucklesberry, N.C., say the photo of them making the rounds on social media has been taken out of context.
“We have been living off the grid for a few years now,” Tom Bradford said late Tuesday evening. “Our compound is operated by a series of generators, electric eel ponds, and an onion squeezing machine that converts methane into electricity.”
According to Mary Bradford, the amount of gasoline shown in the photo is only a fraction of the amount she and her husband usually purchase.
“It usually takes four times as much gas as is shown in that photo just to generate enough juice to crank up the Evinrude Outboard Back Shaver for Tom,” Mary said. “The poor guy has a thicket back there so dense you’d have to rent a fan boat to get from one shoulder to the other. A stray cigarette ash once caught his back hair on fire and it took seven fire departments a week to put it out.”
Aside from being the target of derision from millions of people, The Bradfords have another problem on their hands.
“These new gas cans are too complicated to operate,” Tom Bradford said while trying to crack open a red gas can in a manner reminiscent of an otter going to town on a clam. “I have 30 gallons of gas here and I have no idea how to get it out of the containers.”