Jon Dawson: Vernon Park Mall to become nation’s largest truck stop

“We’re not going to have any Lot Lizards roaming around out here.”

Jon Dawson: Optometrist visit causes wedding cancelation

“I couldn’t figure out why two people who don’t work at night needed so many blackout curtains.”

A new Dollar General is rumored to be moving into the Jenny Lind Store building in Bucklesberry.

“Wouldn’t those be some pretty puppies?”

Hanks is scheduled to join Sarah Palin as a celebrity judge.

Inmates, gamblers and check kiters have united to support Hanks.

Representatives from the Americana Cable Network asked if I’d be interested in having a show based on my real life.

Paramedics made their way to the parent behind me who yelled himself into a coma.

“It’s morally wrong to force me to take a drug that forces me to act like I have some sense,” Danvers said.

“I’m calling to ask if you’d like to appear on my television show next Tuesday.”