TD#1 contemplates a future working on Wall Street or possibly for a rodeo.

A couple of weeks ago it happened: Tax Deduction #1 graduated from high school.

She not only graduated high school, but she also tied for valedictorian. If that weren’t enough, through the early college program she also earned her associate’s degree. In case you’re wondering, yes I’ve been bragging about her non-stop. 

TD#1 addresses the Class of 2023.

Unlike many of the parents at her graduation ceremony, I managed to not yell like an electrocuted hyena when her name was called out. While I clapped cheerfully but sanely, paramedics made their way to the parent behind me who yelled himself into a coma when his son (who had to take remedial basket weaving to graduate) walked across the stage.

Two out of two Tax Deductions recommend Blizzard Building Supply, located at 405 Walston Avenue, Kinston.

It seems like only a few weeks ago TD#1 was running around the house in a diaper, waiving a plastic ginger ale bottle over her head like a marauding Viking. Of course, every two-year-old has that one word they say cuter than anyone else, and her’s was ‘couch’, which she pronounced ‘chouch’. The elders in our tribe said when I was her age my pronunciation of ‘Tonka Truck’ was ‘tuberculosis’. 

During my days at the Kinston Free Press, this column found another gear when I decided to refer to our children as Tax Deduction #1 and Tax Deduction #2. There was no master plan to create a new catchphrase, but rather a way to not plaster my kids’ names all over creation. 

Remember when Kathie Lee Gifford co-hosted a morning show with Regis Lee Philbin? She talked about her son Cody so much that he had his own shrink before his third trimester. If she hadn’t spent millions of dollars on Cody’s psychoanalysis, she could have hired a private detective to keep hubby Frank Gifford from running off with another woman and/or Cuisinart.

After the first mentions of TD#1 and TD#2 went to print, their popularity quickly eclipsed mine. Strangers would walk up to me and ask how the TDs were doing. They were offered endorsement deals with Coke, Pepsi, and Colt 45, but before they could cash in, their sitcom for the WB network (Daddy’s Weird, We Like Mommy) was canceled due to their manager (me) demanding a 95% share of all merchandising connected to the show. 

Currently, TD#1 is working a summer job before beginning her junior year of college in the fall. TD#2 is doing well as a member of the Kinston Kingfish swim team and spends every other second of the day sketching, drawing, or painting. The Wife and I are trying to hold off early onset empty nest syndrome. Sure the TDs will be here for a few more years, but in a few minutes, those will pass.

Jon Dawson’s books are available at www.JonDawson.com.

The entire archive of shows can be found at www.BryanHanks.com.

The Bryan Hanks Show airs on 960-AM in Kinston and 960TheBull.com daily at 7 a.m. & 3 p.m. It also airs on the suite of 252ESPN.com stations in New Bern and Greenville (107.5-FM) at 6 p.m.