Jon Dawson: La Grange woman wins $87,000

“By midnight she’ll be crawling around the lobby looking for enough change to get a cab back to her room at the YMCA.”

Jon Dawson: How screaming idiots at graduations can solve the pothole problem

Every 30 seconds some cement-headed waste of space yelled out as if they were playing bingo at a Metallica concert.

Some people believe potted meat should be classified as a schedule IV controlled substance.

The humidity was so high I saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog.

“All of a sudden I noticed that the yips and barks had grown disturbingly faint.”

It’s been said that tragedy brings out the best in people, but not necessarily the best people.

After verifying that all of my inoculations were in fact up to date, I agreed to go to the movie with Hanks and Massey.

“I couldn’t figure out why two people who don’t work at night needed so many blackout curtains.”

A new Dollar General is rumored to be moving into the Jenny Lind Store building in Bucklesberry.

“Wouldn’t those be some pretty puppies?”