Photo by Jon Dawson/The Bucklesberry Gazette

A local radio personality/entrepreneur has high hopes for Vernon Park Mall.

“When I was a kid I loved two things – drinking from the air conditioner and 18-wheelers,” said Bryan Hanks Radio Show co-host Jonathan Massey. “I had to stop drinking from the air conditioner on account of a three-week period in 2011 when I thought I was Tanya Tucker. But my love for 18-wheelers never went away.”

Since Massey’s bank account has skyrocketed during his tenure on the Bryan Hanks Radio Show, he decided to parlay his financial windfall into a passion project.

“I got tired of driving by Vernon Park Mall and seeing it devolve into a place overrun by people selling counterfeit Mt. Dew to unsuspecting tourists,” Massey said. “One day I noticed an 18-wheeler parked near the entrance. I decided to put two and two together, but since I went to school in Wilkes County a friend had to help me.”

Once Massey’s friend helped him crunch the numbers, the decision was made to turn the Vernon Park Mall into the world’s largest truck stop.

“I tracked down the current owner of the property and made him an offer,” Massey said. “We struck a deal quickly, and by nightfall, I had an architect surveying the property.”

Massey says the Vernon Park Truck Stop will be a state-of-the-art facility, free of the many nuisances that plague truckers across the nation.

“First things first, we’re not going to have any Lot Lizards roaming around out here,” said Massey’s business partner Richard Clark. “If these truckers need companionship, they can drive down the road to Wal-Mart at 10 p.m., park near the ATM, and blink their lights three times. Ask for Lurleen.”

Besides ample parking space, Massey intends to fill the Vernon Park Mall with stores and restaurants truckers would appreciate.

“We’ll have several restaurants, a seat beads store, and an actual massage parlor,” Massey said. “We’ll also have a movie theater that will have weekly showings of ‘Maximum Overdrive’, ‘Smokey & the Bandit’, ‘Duel’, ‘Convoy’, and ‘The Notebook’. There will be a CB radio repair shop, and a private detective agency in case you suspect the missus is making time with the mailman while you’re hauling a load of Preparation H and saltines to a Sam’s Club in Crested Butte.”

For updates, follow Jonathan Massey on Twitter at @JonMassey89.

Jon Dawson’s books are available at http://www.JonDawson.com.

The Bryan Hanks Show airs on 960-AM in Kinston and 960TheBull.com daily at 7 a.m. & 3 p.m. It also airs on the 252ESPN.com stations in New Bern and Greenville (107.5-FM) at 6 p.m. The entire archive of shows can be found at www.BryanHanks.com.