Recently The Wife and I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of a couple we’ve known for years. When I say we’ve known them for years, that means my wife knows the bride, and the groom and I have nodded affirmatively in acknowledgment of each other’s existence on the three occasions we’ve happened to have been in the same room.

While we all basked in the fabulous evening we were enjoying on someone else’s dime, it was brought to my attention my two daughters would have weddings someday. This revelation struck me like a bolt of lightning, and I immediately started walking around the dining room looking for loose change. 

Just as I was about to pawn my shoes and invest in a red bucket and bell, I remembered The Wife made her own wedding dress and all of her bridesmaids’ dresses. As for the reception, I have a music collection that dwarfs that of most radio stations and I’m not above handing everyone a pack of Nabs and a Pepsi.

If my pending patent for no-stick lip balm comes through, I may have enough dough to spring for a few pizzas. 

In the days since the wedding, I’ve been dialing up YouTube documentaries on elopement non-stop. Usually, our two Tax Deductions want to see clips of cats being terrified by cucumbers (see video above), but I’ve started the brainwashing process already.

I’ll still let them watch the cats running away from cucumbers as if they’ve seen a witch, but they’ll first have to watch a clip of Miranda and Todd espousing the joys of eloping. 

Is anyone out there good with PhotoShop? If I figure out how to superimpose my daughter’s faces onto Lana Del Rey’s wedding photos, I may be able to sell this thing.

Jon Dawson’s books are available at www.JonDawson.com. For everything else, visit www.343Collective.com.

To listen to live and archived broadcasts of The Bryan Hanks Show with Jon Dawson and Jonathan Massey, visit www.BryanHanks.com.