I’ll apologize in advance to anyone reading this looking for comedy. Sometimes life gets serious, and this is one of those instances.

Tomorrow morning at 4 a.m., The Wife and Tax Deduction #1 are going out of town with two other family members. This is a trip I suggested to Tax Deduction #1 as a graduation present. She worked hard and tied for valedictorian while holding down a job, and I thought she deserved it. 

While I reveled in the genius of my suggestion, I forgot about one little detail. Tax Deduction #2 has homework. Middle school, number-laden homework. The assignments that involve words are no problem. If she needs help with an essay or history, I’m the guy. If she has math homework, I routinely thank God above that I married a smart woman.

Two out of two Tax Deductions recommend Blizzard Building Supply, located at 405 Walston Avenue, Kinston.

Addition, subtraction, multiplication – these are mathematical situations I can handle. Long division? If I’m allowed to draw the little house and put the big number under the roof and park the little number to the left, I can muddle through that. But the math these days runs me up a tree. Here’s an example from a recent Tax Deduction #2 math test:

Balthazaar has seven plantains. His pet goat Maury is depressed due to the cancellation of House of Cards. What is the square root of Maury’s depression, and how many plantains must Maury eat to feel whole again?

Teachers, you are overworked and underpaid. Do you really want a ton of homework to check on Friday? Give yourselves a break on Thursday and keep the homework to a minimum. Just think of all the episodes of Billions and Yellowstone that are just piling up in your Amazon Prime account. Those shows aren’t going to watch themselves.

When I pick up Tax Deduction #2 from school on Thursday afternoon, I’m going to have a pair of binoculars with me. If from a hundred yards back I see a look of concern on her face, I’ll know that we have a homework situation. Additionally, instead of stopping to pick her up, I’ll probably just keep right on driving.

Jon Dawson’s books are available at www.JonDawson.com.

The Bryan Hanks Show airs on 960-AM in Kinston and 960TheBull.com daily at 7 a.m. & 3 p.m. It also airs on the 252ESPN.com stations in New Bern and Greenville (107.5-FM) at 6 p.m. The entire archive of shows can be found at http://www.BryanHanks.com.