Chances are over the last week you’ve driven through a minefield of pothole-littered roads to attend a graduation ceremony marred by gaggles of idiots who insist on yelling out during the ceremony.

A true entrepreneur could’ve made big bucks selling earplugs at the middle school graduation I attended last Wednesday. Every 30 seconds for two hours some cement-headed waste of space yelled out as if they were playing bingo at a Metallica concert. Even as some of the children covered their faces in embarrassment, these imbeciles hollered like a pack of yelping hyenas experiencing hysterical stupidity.

The fact that these redundant bags of protoplasm can vote, procreate, and shuffle around Walmart in their pajamas – all the while dragging their feet as if they were snowboarding on the moon – should be keeping you up at night. It’s a wonder newspapers lasted as long as they did. Nowadays, any information that won’t fit on a bumper sticker or a meme is ignored like the Little Red Hen.

You may think there’s no hope in sight, and in the case of these vacuous oafs who yell during graduation ceremonies, you’d be correct. These nimrods will continue to park in the fire lane at the grocery store because they’re too lazy to drag their morbidly obese carcasses that extra 12 feet to a parking spot.

But fear not, for I have found a way to turn a negative into a positive.

I’m asking all local law enforcement agencies to issue disturbing the peace tickets to those who yell during graduation ceremonies. Sure, there may be resistance at first, but after about the third ticket was handed out I believe a newfound sense of decorum would fall over the proceedings.

The profits from these tickets could go to fixing all of the potholes in our fair city and town. 
Judging by the behavior of the “adults” I witnessed last Wednesday, we could solve this pothole problem in about a day.

Jon Dawson’s books are available at http://www.jondawson.com

To listen to live and archived broadcasts of The Bryan Hanks Show with Jon Dawson and Jonathan Massey, visit www.BryanHanks.com.